- David Mark accuses Northern governors of encouraging almajiri for political reasonsPosted 1 hour ago
- Report: Reps to consider bill which may prune President’s powers on state pardonPosted 3 hours ago
- Spot the difference: How Thisday and Leadership Newspapers reported the Rivers PDP crisisPosted 5 hours ago
- Barth Nnaji: Achebe, a man ahead of his generationPosted 13 hours ago
- Saatah Nubari: The green-white-green in 2015 and beyondPosted 14 hours ago
- Raymond Eyo: Wanted: A Nigeria to drive the AU forward!Posted 14 hours ago
- Finally, Okpalaeke is ordained bishop of Ahiara; youths lock cathedral in protestPosted 14 hours ago
- In pictures: When Chinua Achebe’s body arrived NigeriaPosted 14 hours ago
- NGF elections: Date fixed for Friday; lobbying intensifies especially for Northern votesPosted 14 hours ago
- Preparing the ground for 2015?: Alams launches media bid to refurbish his imagePosted 14 hours ago
Valentine Ogunaka: In Jones we trust!
by Valentine Ogunaka
You dare not set fire to this banner, for it is written: one good term deserves another. As we gird our loins in anticipation of what might become a uniquely historic period for our nation, I urge you, my fellow compatriots to raise aloft and wave the banner of hope: In Jones We Trust!
For the first time along this tiresome journey of our beloved Nai-jeer-ia, I have seen a leader so altruistic and progress-oriented? He possesses the heart of sweet Mother Teresa, the courage of Malcolm X, the voice of Martin Luther King Jnr., and ultimately he is the reincarnation of Mahatma Gandhi.
A pro-change radical! The luminary doctor! His agenda has been to transform the odds, at least with a dose of good luck elixir. Yes. He has come to us by magic to administer the ‘Jonelucksin cure air freshener’ which is manifestly sanitizing the stench in all sectors of the economy.
Having proved himself as the democratically-selected messiah, we have no choice than to trust this man who through his invention – the cassava bread – is miraculously feeding all long-famished 170 million of us. In an astounding manner, he has surgically removed that stuck-in-my-head short phrase “Up Nepa” and has facilitated self-employment for youths in militancy, kidnapping and terrorism.
Jettison the “Jones out” campaign litanies being heralded by a disgruntled choir of yesterday’s men and chronic election-losers. Those who are determined to rubbish a gradual, natural healing process. Disregard the recitals of their hired voltrons. President Jones’ personality is of course, far-fetched from whatever they must have depicted in their brainwashing blogs.
Just like his touching “I had no shoes story”, he wants us to suffer now and enjoy tomorrow. He insinuates that equanimity is the key, as for every little beginning awaits latter greatness.
Now that it is no longer a smokescreen that President Jones, A.K.A Mr. I-am-not-really-clueless is exercising his prerogative right, asking for more; let us vote him, again! A deserving second term will be the realization of the unending good promises characteristic of this first term. Do not worry brethren. He will prosecute future oil thieves and be more transparent in his looting policies.
So can we trudge on compatriots? After all, we all need fresh air. Be not disturbed: there is fire at the end of this tunnel.