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This is the biggest joke you’ll read this week – and it’s about FFK and Atiku

Politics

This is the biggest joke you’ll read this week – and it’s about FFK and Atiku

Here’s something to make you laugh: A Christian group, Christians in Power Network, CIPN, has advised the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, and its flagbearer at the forthcoming 2019 general elections, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar, to choose a former minister of aviation, Chief Femi Fani-Kayode, as their vice presidential candidate.

Yup, you heard that right — Fani-Kayode is being positioned (or – most likely – is attempting to position himself) as a vice-presidential candidate of a major party in this country. The so-called Christian leaders said: “Apart from the votes that Fani-Kayode would get from the southwest as one from there, he will also get massive votes across the nation and everywhere Christians are found because we have come to see him as our voice, not just us but also every oppressed Nigerian irrespective of religion, ethnicity or party affiliation. This will be the masterstroke for both Atiku Abubakar and the PDP.”

Of course, Atiku is never going to give FFK a spot on his ticket in a million years. The man is unlikely to win votes even in his hometown in Ife, based on his own weight. However, it is crucial to quash this nonsense kite of an FFK candidacy just in case someone somewhere is having ideas.

  1. Foul-mouthed fellow: We are speaking about the Fani-Kayode whose invasion of our national consciousness was because he turned himself into a rabid attack dog for former President Olusegun Obasanjo, abusing opponents of the president in his nondescript accent. Here is how English professor and newspaper columnist, Farooq Kperogi described FFK in 2013 when he became minister of culture and tourism under Obasanjo: “Never in the history of our country has a vulgar, noisy, bigoted, foul-mouthed, infantile, and witless twit like Fani-Kayode been made to violate our collective sensibilities with such coarseness, such unmitigated vileness, such invidious impunity. Never! He rose to notoriety precisely because he was the ill-famed attack dog of a barefaced and self-righteous hypocrite who calls himself our president. For his unprecedented display of ill breeding and rudeness to our elders who had the good sense to call the president’s attention to the perdition he is pigheadedly leading us to, Obasanjo compensated him with a ministerial position.”
  2. Bigoted fellow: This is the same Fani-Kayode who revels in attacking people from different tribes or religions apart from his own, when it suits him. From the Fulanis to the Igbos, no one is immune from Fani-Kayode’s gutter slams. Again, here is how Kperogi described FFK:  “When I worked briefly at the State House Office of Public Communications, which Dr. Stanley Macebuh headed, I had occasions to meet him. It is these encounters that provide the raw material for the character sketch I wish to draw of him. This man neither has integrity nor evinces any intelligence when you meet him outside the mediation of the mass media. He is drab, vain, sycophantic, overzealous, scatterbrained, and megalomaniac. And if you are looking for the very personification of ethnic and religious bigotry, don’t go past this character. His intolerance for people that his warped and barren mind conceives of as belonging to the “Other” is revolting. He is, in short, a detestable personality, an excellent specimen of what a patriotic Nigerian should NOT be!” Kperogi said.
  3. Sexist fellow: There are allegations of domestic abuse leveled by Fani-Kayode’s ex-wives, and even stories of it repeating itself with the current wife. But let us ignore those allegations for a second: What does one make of a man who writes in the papers and brags about how he slept with the wife of former Biafra leader, Odumegwu Ojukwu? Fani-Kayode was attempting to prove that he was not a tribalist in an opinion piece, and the evidence he gave was that he slept with Bianca Ojukwu and two other Igbo women. What a dolt!
  4. Reckless fellow: We are talking about an FFK who talks about his opponents in this form: “In our long-drawn and protracted political battle and struggle for power, Fayose uses a thick and blunt cudgel to fight our enemies and batter them to death whilst I use a thin and sharp rapier with which I slowly carve them up, slice them to pieces and bleed them into eternity. Fayose crushes their bones with rage and brutal efficiency whilst I clinically cut them up with ruthless precision. Both methods are equally effective and both achieve their objectives.”
  5. Anti-Atiku fellow: This is the same Fani-Kayode who was one of the arrow-heads of the attacks against Atiku in the Obaanjo cabinet. This article is not a defence for Atiku, and over the course of the campaigns, there would be enough time to discuss Atiku’s alleged corruption. But remember how at the peak of the crisis between Pres. Obasanjo and Vice Pres. Abubakar, it was Fani-Kayode who led a “rebellion” of some ministers that kicked out Vice President Atiku Abubakar from a Federal Executive Council meeting. Imagine that! Fani-Kayode, who was not an elected official, demanded that Atiku, who was elected on the same ticket with Obasanjo, should leave the meeting because, according to him, the VP lacked the moral, legal, and political basis to continue participating in the current government. Now some clowns want him (or he wants) to be Atiku’s running mate.

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