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A Pinch: Shocking: Why GEJ refused to take GMB on FULL tour of presidential villa before inauguration

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A Pinch: Shocking: Why GEJ refused to take GMB on FULL tour of presidential villa before inauguration

By Stanley Azuakola

Revealed:Why Jonathan chose to only take Buhari on partial tour of presidential villa before inauguration

On the eve of the inauguration, ex-Pres. Jonathan played the part of a good sportsman and host when he took Pres. Buhari (then the President-elect) on a tour of the presidential villa. He showed him the kitchen where the billion naira food is prepared; the wine cellar where he gets relief after a stressful day; and even the bedroom where you-know-what’s-up happens.

However when it was time to see two rooms upstairs, Jonathan became shaky, restless and shifty.

The first sign that all was not well was when he informed the press that they would not be joining him and Buhari upstairs to go and see the rooms.

A source told A Pinch that when Jonathan and Buhari went upstairs, the ex-president brought up a conversation:

“I did not want the others to come up here because I wanted us to talk man to man. Those two rooms are not ready for viewing. You will see them when you take over tomorrow but me I won’t show you,” he said.

“Haba. What if people ask me when we go downstairs?” Buhari said.

“I don’t care. I can’t show you,” Jonathan replied.

“Just open, I won’t tell anybody, I swear”

“NO is NO. What part of NO don’t you understand?” Jonathan responded before Buhari let the matter go.

Unfortunately for ex-president Jonathan, photos of the contents of the two rooms were covertly taken by a spy reporter for A Pinch and what was discovered was shocking.

(Please note that the images below are not suitable for people who love poverty or are afraid of the dead.)

Room 1:

unnamed (9)

Apparently the cash in this first room used to be as high as five feet. They had already packed most of it but were not done yet by the time of Buhari’s visit.

The money was reportedly being moved to the Otuoke palace which Jonathan built for himself. A PUNCH cameraman who tried to capture them moving the cash into the Otuoke palace was beaten and arrested. You can read his story HERE.

ROOM 2:

IMG_20150531_002945

Hmmm… Lots of skeletons in the second closet. We don’t know if they moved the skeletons away before the inauguration.

Children’s Day award winning description of some members of the Jonathan government

A child sensation was unveiled on Children’s Day, May 27,2015, following a competition organised for 7 to 11 year old kids to mark the day.

The question which the kids were asked was: Describe the following members of the Jonathan administration in one word, phrase or short sentence – Diezani Alison-Madueke (petroleum minister), Abba Moro (interior minister), Reuben Abati (special adviser on media), Doyin Okupe (special adviser on public affairs), Namadi Sambo (vice president), and Goodluck Jonathan (President).

The winning entry was by a 10-year old whizkid called Ceefeenish Ovasabee. Check out her piece below:

* Aunty Diezani: Nneka, the pretty serpent
* Uncle Moro: All those bloods that you shared at NIS recruitment scam, there is God
* Uncle Abati: Here comes another yesterday’s man
* Uncle Okupe: OMG! What would he do with his life now? #IamCrying
* Uncle Sambo: The ghost of vice presidents past 🙂
* Uncle Jonathan: A clueless life is not worth living

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

A Pinch is truly pleased with how the inauguration day went across the country as things were generally peaceful and smooth. Nigeria has stunned and continues to stun us all this season.

In Nasarawa however, it was sad to see thugs (probably hired) brutalise a Daily Trust reporter, Mr. Hir Joseph, until he became unconscious. Security operatives had to use tear gas to disperse the hoodlums. And this happened right at the venue of the inauguration of Gov. Tanko Al-makura.

What was the offence of this journalist? They say he wrote an ‘unwanted’ story which was not favourable to Gov. Al-makura and President Buhari. They felt the best way to silence him was to brutalise, maim and possibly kill him.

This is unacceptable.

No journalist and indeed no citizen deserves to be hounded or intimidated for reporting a fact or expressing an opinion no matter how far away from the ‘popular’ or loudest opinion it is.

Both the governor and the president are not infallible. Journalists and citizens have a right to shine the light if they feel there is an area things could be better.

We are still waiting for Gov. Al-makura – the man in whose inauguration this bestiality occurred and in whose name it was perpetrated – to publicly condemn the brutal assault, the same way his Kaduna counterpart, Gov. Nasir El-Rufai condemned those who attacked an Emir at his inauguration.

Beyond that, the hoodlums must be apprehended and punished. Several photos were taken, and the event – I think – was an invitation-only event so the search can be narrowed.

But while we wait for Al-makura and the police to do the needful, A Pinch will hand over the CeeCee award this week to the miscreants and those who sent them. The journalistic pen has survived much worse;your intolerance and brutishness cannot stop the press from its civic duty to the people. Clowns!

– A Pinch of N(u)ews is satire.

Follow A Pinch on Twitter: @stanleyazuakola

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A Pinch... is the zero award winning weekly news recap column, who is consistently accused of committing satire. People used to think it was A Pinch... who said "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you." It wasn't. A Pinch... is syndicated on The Guardian and YNaija. Follow A Pinch... on twitter @stanleyazuakola.

1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. manager abiola

    May 31, 2015 at 11:24 am

    You are currently running mad with hates. One day monkey goes 2 market but never returns. ????????

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